This is it

Nov 8, 2009 | Jokes

This is it. What is ‘it‘? All I can tell you is what it isn’t.

I can tell you that it won’t be pretty. It won’t be anything like some fancy Renaissance painting, or a three-year-old’s drawing of a flower. It won’t be like some super advanced alien starship design that is so impossibly beautiful that the human mind cannot even comprehend it without breaking down into a lifetime of weeping. If I had to compare it to something, it’d be to one of those old black and white photos of the Depression. Like a bunch of people are waiting in a long bread line or something, and they look really sad, because there’s a big sign that says, ‘DEPRESSION PREDICTED TO LAST FOR A BILLION MORE YEARS.’

“It” isn’t some fantasyland where it’s always sunny and the rivers run wild with honey. Do you see any honey here? Well, okay, but aside from Tim’s sandwich. Tim’s sandwich doesn’t count. What? No, forget all about Honey River. Just forget it. Everyone knows that was due to the old honey factory explosion, so it doesn’t count either. And do you know how many people drown in Honey River? Practically every week some damned fool gets it in his head to cross it. Swimming in honey isn’t easy. People die horrible, horrible deaths trying to cross Honey River. Just get Honey River out of your head.